Sit down, if possible, look the person in the eye, and speak in a soft and reassuring tone. Place your hands on your lap, at your sides, or on the table and keep your facial expression neutral. [1] X Research source
For instance, let’s say you catch your son along with a group of peers smoking. You could say “You are denying the fact that you were smoking. But I want you to know I would understand it if you actually were. Sometimes, our peers can pressure us into things we wouldn’t normally do. ” Giving the impression that anyone would do what you suspect they did may make it more likely for them to divulge the truth. [2] X Research source
You could say, “It’s really not that big of a deal. I just want to know the truth. ” Assuring them that the wrongdoing isn’t all that serious may make them tell you what really happened. [3] X Research source However, only go this route if the offense is really not a big deal. For example, it would probably not work with something that has legal consequences or jail time.
You could say, “I know you weren’t the only one involved. There are plenty of other people who are at fault, too. ”[4] X Research source
For suspicions, it’s best to present what you suspect in a non-confrontational manner and try to tease out the truth during the interaction. For evidence-based accusations, you should state your claim and present the evidence that you have. In these cases, there’s little room for the person wiggling out of the responsibility.
You can also deliberately change part of the story to entice them to correct you. For instance, you could say, “So you went to the bar last night,” even though you believe they went somewhere else incriminating. This may prompt them to correct you, which could lead you to the truth. [6] X Research source
You could also ask them to tell their story starting from the end and leading up to the beginning or ask them to start in the middle. Relaying the story back may cause them to create errors in their story, which could show they aren’t telling the truth. [7] X Research source
For instance, use the word “took” instead of “stole” or “spent time with someone” rather than “cheated. ” The person may be more apt to admit guilt if you use more favorable language. [8] X Research source
For example, you could say, “I have witnesses that saw you at the scene of the crime. ” This may be enough to scare the person into the telling you the truth. You could also threaten to go to the authorities or someone in power if the person doesn’t stop lying. [9] X Research source Keep in mind that verbal threats such as bluffing should only be made if you are certain of the person’s involvement or guilt. Also, try to avoid making any sort of threats if at all possible as doing so causes defensiveness, and decreases your chances of getting to the truth.
You’ll need to become familiar with the person’s voice to know if they are lying. Start by asking questions you already know the answer to and notice the way they sound as they answer. Move on to questions you don’t know the answer to once you’ve become comfortable with their voice. They are likely lying if there are changes in their voice. [11] X Research source However, this would not be the case with a pathological liar or sociopath.
For instance, a person may try to hide their mouth or their eyes when they are telling a lie. You may also notice them fidgeting, swallowing more, and clearing their throat excessively. They may also avoid looking you in the eye and laugh nervously. [12] X Research source
