Don’t make this more complicated than it needs to be. If you like the way he laughs, tell him. If you like the way he styles his hair or treats strangers politely, tell him. If you can compliment him on something you know he really cares about, like his basketball skills or his math grades, all the better.
Does he work a second job so he can take you out on nice dates or save money for an apartment? Does he go out of his way to pick you up so you don’t have to walk home in the rain? Is he nice to your mother? Specifically say to him “I appreciate that you do [this thing] for me and for us. ”
Hold his hand, and kiss him for no good reason. If he’s not the hand-holding type, let your hand brush against his from time to time, and maybe just slip him a quick peck on the cheek. Even most modern guys like to feel like protectors, so putting your head on his shoulder or sitting on his lap is a good way to create a sense of him protecting you with his embrace.
Make your time together quality time — something you both enjoy and will remember. Life is busy and only seems to get busier, so don’t take your time together for granted. Go on a surprise day trip. Take a surfing lesson together. Just sit and talk with no distractions. [5] X Research source According to esteemed relationship researcher John Gottman, healthy relationships tend to have a ratio of at least five positive interactions for every negative one. The more often you show interest, concern, appreciation, and affection, all of which start by paying attention, the better your odds of reaching the “magic number” of positive interactions. [6] X Research source
Chapman’s five “love languages” include: words of affirmation; quality time; gifts; acts of service; and physical contact. Depending upon their primary language, people are more receptive to acts of love that match that category. For instance, someone whose language is “quality time” will respond better to a long weekend together than a gift card to his favorite store. Take note of the ways that your boyfriend responds to the different ways that you show affection. Once you determine which language he speaks, you can tailor your acts of affection to accordingly. He will in turn experience and appreciate your affection more fully.
Sometimes the truth does hurt, and it may cause him distress when you speak honestly. But beneath that pain will be an appreciation that you trusted him enough to be honest with him. Admitting to cheating on your boyfriend, for example, is probably one of the most difficult times to be honest. Don’t put it off indefinitely, but do wait for a time when you are both calm and can speak without distractions. Choose your words carefully (practice beforehand if it helps), but don’t be so vague that your point is not being made clearly. Start with something along the lines of “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but you deserve the truth,” then admit your transgression without making excuses. Apologize and explain, but don’t beg or demand forgiveness; say you hope he can forgive you. If you’re afraid to tell your boyfriend the truth about something because you think he’ll break up with you, or are worried he may do something hurtful, then you may need to question the importance of the relationship anyway. If it can’t be built on trust and honesty, it’s not going to last, and neither of you will end up happy.
You like to have some time to yourself, right? Well, remember that trust is a two-way street. If you can’t let him have space to do his own thing, why should you expect it in return? Every solid relationship requires some personal space. Some need more than others. So long as he’s with you when it counts — that is, when you need him, for a ride or for a shoulder to cry on — you should be glad. Don’t make him be with you, make him want to be with you.
Maybe your boyfriend is a slob, or is always running late, or takes jokes a bit too far sometimes. You can talk to him about your concerns, and provide support if he wants to become better organized, more reliable, or more sensitive. But if you feel like you need to change the essence of who he is, then you probably aren’t with the right guy.
The advice in this section may be applicable to your boyfriend, or it may not be. Take it with a grain of salt, and rely on your best judgment.
Yes, there is a superficial element to it, but your boyfriend almost certainly chose to be with you in part because he was attracted to your looks, and he wants to continue to be attracted to them. The longer you’re together, his love for you as a whole person will make your appearance on the outside beautiful to him no matter what. But, the fact that you’re putting in the effort to be attractive can show that you care about both yourself and him.
Of course, maybe your guy hates sports and is on a strict diet. As mentioned, this isn’t “one size fits all” advice. However, the larger principle — giving your boyfriend what makes him happy sometimes, even if it is a bit annoying for you — remains true for most any type of guy. All relationships require some sacrifices and compromises. Sometimes you have to let him have things his way, in spite of your instincts. Of course, you deserve to expect the same from him as well. [12] X Research source
Many guys have an amazing capacity to ignore tiredness, stress, or a whole host of other obstacles or problems when there’s an opportunity for some romantic action. Your boyfriend may well be “in the mood” far more often than you are. Try to meet him in the middle. Of course, no matter how long you’ve been together, no matter what you’ve done or not done, you always have the right to say no. If he can’t accept that, get a new boyfriend.
