When it’s all said and done, all they really want is for their child and grandchildren to be loved and well-cared for.
Invite them to birthday parties and awards ceremonies. Let your children visit with them on weekends or school holidays.
A simple, “How’s that garden coming along, Mrs. Henderson?” or “Have you been fishing lately. Mr. Greene? I’d love to hear about your latest catch,” can show how thoughtful you are.
For example, if your father-in-law built an impressive deck, you might ask him for pointers on your own backyard landscaping. If your mother-in-law is a talented baker, ask her to show you how to make her famous apple pie.
You might say, “Sylvia is so determined. Was she like that as a girl, too?”
For example, if you invite your in-laws over for dinner, purchase the type of wine they like. If your father-in-law had a big presentation at work, ask how it went the next time you see him.
Don’t overdo the gift-giving, as this can come off as insincere or make them feel like you are trying to “buy” their affection. However, gifts can be a thoughtful way to show your in-laws how much you care.
For example, if celebrating Hanukkah is important in your spouse’s family, participate in the events as long as it doesn’t contradict your own belief. If you have contradicting beliefs, respect your spouse’s wish to still participate in such events. Family traditions go beyond culture and religion. Your spouse’s family may also have special traditions like Sunday brunch together or a Christmas Eve feast.
Instead of going on and on about how your in-laws offended you, explain what you would like them to do in the future so the problem can be resolved. For example, instead of saying “I can’t believe you told the kids my religion was silly,” you might say, “I respect your religious beliefs even though I don’t agree with them. I expect you to do the same and not put them down in front of the children. " If you offended your in-laws, then apologize and move on.
You might work to regain trust by apologizing for your role in the problem, asking them how you can make amends, addressing the behaviors that compromised trust, and being careful to avoid similar problems in the future.
For instance, maybe your in-laws were in a band during their youth. If you enjoy the same genre of music, you might talk about which records or instruments you like or go to concerts together. It may even be fun to sing or write songs together.
