Say, “Mom, I really need to talk to you. Can we sit down together after dinner tonight?” If your parents won’t talk to you, find an adult you trust to confide in, like your grandparent or a school counselor. It’s not fair that your parents are unresponsive, but it probably has nothing to do with you. Chances are, they have struggles of their own. [2] X Research source
You might say, “I need to talk to you about some problems I’ve been having lately. You might feel upset when you hear what I have to say, but please just listen until I’ve gotten it all out,” or “I really just need you to be there for me right now. I hope you’ll hear me out and try to understand me. ”
You could say, “I feel like you always criticize me and like nothing I do is ever right. I just want you to be proud of me and for you to tell me you love me. " It may be hard to talk about these things with your parents to begin with, so maybe try talking through your feelings with somebody you trust who will be fair-minded and listen to you. [5] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020.
Don’t interrupt your parents while they’re talking because it’ll likely start a fight. If they say something super upsetting, try counting to 10 or picturing your happy place until they’re done talking. If you feel your parents don’t love you for who you are, there’s likely a reason you feel that way. That doesn’t mean your parents really don’t love you, but your reason for feeling this way could be valid. [7] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020.
Consider meditating or praying to help you center yourself.
For instance, your parents may pester you about your grades because they wish their parents had pushed them academically. Similarly, your parents may want you to play sports because they loved them, even though you hate sports. You could also learn that your parents didn’t have a great relationship with their own parents. They may just not realize that they’re not showing you love properly. Hopefully, this insight could help you change things with them.
Use “I” language so your parents don’t get defensive. For instance, say, “I feel bad when you yell at me, so I’m not going to respond when you yell,” instead of, “You always yell and hurt my feelings. ” You could say something like, “I know you don’t agree with my choices, but they’re my decisions. When you criticize me, I’m going to stop listening. ”
Say something like, “I love you” or “I appreciate you. ” Do nice things for your parents to show you love them. You could also write them a nice letter or might make them a small gift, such as a painting or photo slideshow. Don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s okay if you don’t want to touch your parents because of how they’ve treated you in the past.
For example, offer to wash the dishes if your parents cooked dinner or take out the trash when it fills up. Similarly, you might help with the laundry or lawn care duties.
For example, you might post on a Facebook profile that your parents can see. You can even limit what they see if you prefer. It’s okay to save some posts for just your friends.
Play a board game. Go for a hike or bike ride. Bake a family recipe. Toss or kick a ball around your yard or a local park. Stream a movie together. Go on a scavenger hunt.
As an example, maybe you both like to watch cooking shows, enjoy reading, or play an instrument. It doesn’t have to be a big thing to bring you together.
For instance, speak to your parents when you enter the same room as them. If you promise to do something, always follow through so they know they can trust you. If you’re upset about something, tell them instead of avoiding them or snapping at them. Say, “I’m feeling frustrated today and just need some time alone,” or “Today has been terrible, but I don’t want to talk. ”
As an example, you might disagree with your parents about politics. Instead of arguing with them all the time, just accept that this is a topic where you don’t agree. Similarly, maybe your parents prefer to dress like they’re going to a country club, but you prefer an edgier look. Don’t make fun of their clothes because it’ll just cause more conflict.
Do your best because that’s all you can do. Your best is enough, so don’t let your parents make you feel bad for not doing the impossible.
For instance, your parents might say, “I wouldn’t yell at you if you weren’t so lazy. ” That’s a lie. They’re taking their emotions out on you and are accusing you of being lazy as an excuse.
Focus on accepting and loving yourself. While this may not change your parents, it will help you to find strength in yourself.
A study showed that skill level doesn’t matter, so don’t worry about if your creations are “good” or not. Just try to have fun. [20] X Research source
Text or chat with your chosen family daily so you feel heard and appreciated. Try to spend as much time with your support network as you can. For instance, attend after school events with friends and spend the night with friends or other family members.
Feel up your calendar as much as possible so you don’t have to spend as much time with your parents. If you live at home and your parents try to control you, try to find things they’ll approve of, like school clubs or events, religious gatherings, or time with family members.
Your therapy sessions may be covered by insurance, so check your benefits. Consider asking your parents to enroll in family therapy with you.
