For example, some important emotional needs are feeling in control, feeling respected, and feeling comfort. If your brain feels one of those needs is not being met, that can trigger the negative emotions.
When your brain feels as though it has lost or been deprived of something it needs, the most common emotions are anger, fear, or sadness. Needs are not bad, but it is important to understand your needs and how to manage them. Maybe your boss criticized you for sloppy work on a project. You might feel that you are not being respected, because you spent months creating a great product. Your initial reaction is probably very negative. Take note of this, and remember that not feeling respected is one of your triggers.
Perhaps feeling out of control is one of your triggers. When you are in a traffic jam and running late, you are likely to feel frustration and anger. Try to shift your focus. Turn on your favorite CD or have an interesting podcast downloaded for just such an occasion. Shift your focus from the traffic to listening to something you enjoy. Many of us are very critical of ourselves. If you are feeling mad at yourself for not going to the gym all week, shift your focus. Instead, congratulate yourself on getting caught up on much needed housework.
Take deep breaths. Focusing on your breathing will not only shift your focus, but it will help you calm down, physically and emotionally. Breathe in slowly for five counts, then let your breath out slowly for two counts. Repeat this for a few minutes, or as long as needed. Do something repetitive. Repetition can calm your nerves. Try walking, or even rhythmically tapping your feet.
Step away from the situation. If you are in a tense meeting at work, suggest that everyone take a five minute break to regroup. If you are having a heated discussion with your partner, calm down before making decisions. Say that you need to take a quick walk around the block before continuing the conversation.
Once you have identified your triggers, you can work on finding more positive ways to respond to those triggers. For example, maybe you typically raise your voice when your child complains about eating broccoli for dinner. Next time this happens, actively choose to keep your tone neutral. Maybe you tend to burst into tears when you are criticized. When you feel the tears coming, choose to take deep breaths and voice your frustrations calmly instead.
If your negative emotions stem from feeling out of control, try organizing your work space. Getting rid of clutter can make you feel on top of things. Try adding more light. Natural and artificial light can help ease anxiety. So open your curtains and add some higher wattage bulbs to your lamps.
Choose an activity that you enjoy. If you’ve always wanted to learn to play tennis, take lessons or join a league for beginners. Add more B12 to your diet. This vitamin has been shown to improve emotional well being. Look for salmon, chicken, and lean beef to add to your dinners.
Make it a point to write in your journal each day. Set aside at least five minutes to write down anything that’s on your mind. At the end of each week, read through your recent entries. Reflect on anything significant that has happened in your life.
Try talking to friends or family. It is a good idea to let your loved ones know how you are feeling. Try saying, “I’ve been really stressed out lately. Do you have time to talk things through with me?” Be calm and rational while you are talking. It’s fine to express anger or frustration, but do so without yelling.
To help deal with these intense emotions, there are several things you can do to try to regulate your mood. Eat healthy foods and get some exercise. The endorphins will help. Talk to your doctor about medication. For example, if you’re dealing with severe PMS, medication might be helpful.
When you cry, don’t force yourself to stop. Trying to block your emotions like that can take a lot of unnecessary energy. Instead, try to prevent the tears from ever starting. Take positive steps to manage your emotions, such as journaling and meditation.
For example, if you are feeling nervous, ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” Identifying and acknowledging the issue can help you figure out how to handle it. It’s ok to let yourself feel negative emotions. If you are frustrated because you did not get a promotion at work, that’s normal. Use that emotion as motivation to find a new way to challenge yourself.
If you are feeling down, you might not feel up for socializing. However, isolation can increase feelings of sadness. Try doing something like running errands or getting a pedicure. You won’t have to spend much emotional energy, but you’ll get some human contact. Try tackling a project. You’ll take your mind off of whatever is bothering you and the sense of accomplishment will boost your spirits. This is a great time to tackle that photo album you’ve been meaning to organize.
When you experience intense emotions, reflect on the underlying cause. You can use your journal to aid you in tracking your emotions.
Care for yourself by nurturing those relationships that are important to you. Even when you are busy, allow yourself time to take a break and have fun with friends. Give yourself permission to do something for yourself each day. It can be as simple as treating yourself to a piece of dark chocolate after dinner.
Use technology. If you live far away from your family, spend time talking on the phone or video chatting.
If your emotions cause you to verbally abuse others, or you regularly feel out of control, a professional can help you make changes. Ask your doctor to recommend a counselor. You can also ask a trusted friend or family member for advice.
