Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Encourage deeper breaths by imagining that your lungs are down in your abs. Practice on your own so it’s easier to do when your crush is around.
You can do this right before you see that special someone, or even while you’re talking to them. Just hold your hands behind your back when you see them, or use whatever you’re holding (like a textbook) to hide it from view if you think it looks odd.
Whatever music you choose, the keyword is “relaxing. ” Your body’s rhythms will naturally fall in sync with the music’s. This means your body will start getting worked up if you play something too exciting.
Depending on what type of music you like to dance to, this might seem to contradict the whole bit about listening to relaxing music. But don’t worry about that. Dancing will increase your blood flow throughout your body and deliver more oxygen everywhere, which help tense muscles relax and feel better. So if you’re going to be active, the more active the better! Then, as the hour draws near when you expect to run into your crush, switch over to your playlist of your relaxing music to get yourself squared and centered.
Sure, people are definitely attracted to certain looks. But it’s been proven that people are likely to respond much quicker to your level of confidence than your appearance. So, if you’re a brunette or redhead who’s worried that your crush only seems to date blondes (or vice versa), stop worrying! As long as you act confident in your own looks, they’ll be more blown away by your self-assurance than your hair color. [5] X Research source
Asking a question about something you share in common, like a class: “Hey, do you know which pages Mr. Kingsley asked us to read for tomorrow? I didn’t write them down, and now I can’t remember. ” Commenting on something that peaks your interest, like their new sneakers: “Hey, nice kicks! Where’d you get them?” Using something incidental to get the ball rolling, like the book they’re reading: “You know, that one’s been in my to-read pile forever. Is it worth getting into?”
Ask if they’ve read any of that author’s books. If they have, which would they recommend reading first? Say the book they recommend was turned into a movie. Ask which they liked better and why. As you go on, let the conversation flow naturally from topic to topic, but keep the focus on what they think of that topic, whatever it may be. So, if they really liked the movie adaptation because their favorite director made it, ask why they like that director, which film is their favorite, and so on.
That isn’t to say that you should stare at them without blinking, though, because that could be creepy. Take natural breaks. Shut your eyes or look away when you laugh. If someone else shouts or zips by on a bike a few feet away, glance at them. Just keep your breaks brief and bring your attention back to your crush immediately. Don’t forget to smile when you first approach. Show them that you’re happy to be talking to them and that they should be happy, too!
Of course, don’t take that too literally and stand there empty-headed like a zombie. The trick is to quiet any thoughts that don’t have anything to do with what the two of you are talking about right here, right now. This way you won’t overthink things and make the conversation awkward by worrying about stuff that has nothing to do with it.
Let’s say you’re still talking about their favorite director and movies. If one of their favorite movies is one of yours, too, say so and tell them why you love it. If not, play the desert island game and ask which five movies they’d bring with them to watch for the rest of their lives. Then share your own picks and the reasons why. As you go on and ask them more questions, share your own answers after they do. For instance, if all five of their desert island picks are horror flicks, say, “You’re really into horror, huh?” Then share your own opinion on the genre. By being bold, asking lots of questions, and sharing your own answers, you can make them feel like the conversation is equal parts give-and-take. At the same time, you get to direct the course of the conversation so you can reveal exactly what you want to share about yourself.
Avoid being negative. Say you absolutely hate their favorite movie. Don’t put them off by picking it apart. That isn’t to say you have to lie and say you loved it. Be honest, but carefree. Just say you couldn’t get into it, and leave it at that. Then use some aspect about it as a springboard to something you can speak positively about. For example, if an actor in that movie was in a movie you do love, switch topics by saying something like, “Oh, but you know what Tom Hardy movie I do love . . . ?” On the other hand, if you both think a movie was terrible, feel free to bond over picking it apart if you both enjoy doing that!
You’re not a mind-reader, so give yourself a break if they seem withdrawn when you talk with them. They could be tired, distracted, or depressed about something else entirely. Focus on what goes right instead of worrying about what goes wrong. For example, if you made them laugh with a joke, cherish that moment instead of dwelling on the fact that you stuttered a few times. Keep a sense of humor about yourself. Remember: everyone acts like an idiot sometimes, so don’t beat yourself up when you do. Showing your crush that you can laugh at yourself will make you seem even more confident.
People are far more likely to respond to your self-confidence than your appearance. Focus less on what your face and body look like, and more on how you carry yourself.
Keep your feet from tapping or your knees from bouncing by concentrating on keeping both feet flat on the floor. Use your hands to make gestures if that’s what you normally do. Just try to keep it to a minimum and be graceful about it so your special someone isn’t distracted by wild flailing. If you feel like some part of you absolutely must move, focus your attention on your breathing. Breathe deeply and concentrate on how your chest rises and falls.
If you find this hard, bring something to hold when you talk to them to keep your hands occupied. This could be anything from a textbook, bag, or even a pair of sneakers if you’re on your way to the gym. [18] X Research source If you do bring a prop to hold, just bring one. Juggling a pile of random stuff might make you seem like a disorganized mess. [19] X Research source
Do the same if you’re seated facing each other. If you’re seated side by side instead, angle your feet slightly toward them. Cross an ankle over one knee when you’re sitting if that feels more comfortable.
The key is to come off as relaxed, so if you have bad posture in general, start working on improving it when you’re alone. If you aren’t used to good posture, you may come across as stiff and cranky if you force it. Another exception would be if your crush is much shorter than you are. In this case, feel free to hunch forward to bring your heads closer together. This way you won’t come across as staring down your nose at them.
