It can be very hard to keep your tone of voice respectful when you’re feeling upset. Rather than taking it out on your parents, try venting your frustration in another way. When you don’t feel like you can talk calmly, it’s okay to take a break. Go on a run, cry in your bedroom, punch your pillow, play with your dog - whatever helps you feel calm.
Give as many details as you can to help explain your point of view. Grounding your feelings and ideas in real life situations may help your parent understand your perspective better. Your parent is more likely to be able to be helpful if she genuinely understands your point of view.
If you can see your parents’ point of view, say so. This will help your parents feel more understood. Your parents will be more willing to listen to your point of view if you’re willing to listen to theirs. Remember—it’s okay if your parents see things differently. Everybody can have a different opinion!
It can take a long time to regain your parents’ trust if you’re caught lying. Even if you’re worried that your parents will be angry with you for telling the truth, it’s usually better to tell them the truth.
Most parents like to hear “please” and “thank you. ” They appreciate compliments. When you use polite language, your parents are less likely to look for your bad behavior. Using polite language even when you don’t feel like it is an important social skill that will come in handy when you’re an adult. You don’t need to have a sophisticated vocabulary; just know what not to say. Even when your parent is saying something that you disagree with or which is upsetting, try to keep your calm.
Consider whether your parents’ concern is for your health and safety. If you really want clothing that your parents can afford, learn to shop for discounts and sales. Sometimes a compromise is possible. For example, you might choose to wear a short skirt with leggings, rather than bare legs. Or in another case, you might agree to wear skinny jeans 1/3 of the time, while baggy jeans 2/3 of the time.
Never drive a car if you’ve been drinking at all, and never allow a friend who’s been drinking to drive you. Be aware of the hazards of binge drinking. Binge drinking is considered having more than 4 drinks (for a female) or 5 drinks (for a male) at least once within a 2-week period. Heavy binge drinking is considered 3 or more binge drinking episodes within a 2-week period. Consider talking to your parents about your desire to experiment.
Spending time developing organizational systems for yourself will be helpful. If you don’t have to rely on your parents to tell you what to do, keep you on top of deadlines, you’ll be less likely to get into arguments with them. Developing good study skills for yourself will help with your grades, and improve your relationship with your parents.
Perhaps you have another relative, such as an aunt or uncle, who can help you when you’re struggling to get along with your parents. Not every conversation with an adult has to be deep and serious. Talking with an adult like you do with your friends can be a good way to start. Try to find things that you have in common with the adult.
Write down what they said in one column, then allow yourself to write down what you don’t agree with in a second column. In a third column, allow yourself to think about what part of what they’ve said might be right. You don’t have to talk to your parents about this process. It’s just for you to think about.
By overgeneralizing, you’re essentially telling your parent that she’s not a good parent. That’s not going to make her feel good. Stick to your own perspective. Telling her that you’re angry and disappointed that you can’t go to your friend’s house might bring better results.
Your parents are probably just trying to get you to value the same things they value. You can choose your own values as you grow up, and you can live the life you choose. By understanding that your parents’ anger may be based on fear that you might be choosing different values, you can afford to cut them some slack.
It’s important to realize that your parent might be wrong - and that’s okay. They are doing the best they can. Remember that this consequence is temporary. It will pass.
