Physical, sexual, or psychological abuse in childhood Rape or intimate partner violence/abuse Past failed relationships Negative attitudes inherited from parents[2] X Research source Fear of abandonment Low self-esteem Depression and/or anxiety disorder[3] X Research source
Mindfulness is hard for everyone at first, so don’t get discouraged! Just keep at it and it will slowly but surely become second nature. You can also try other mindfulness techniques like meditation and yoga.
For example, you might say, “Robert, I’m really struggling with something that happened at work today. I really need to talk about it with someone. Are you free?” Try to remember that leaning on other people doesn’t make you weak.
If your mother invites you to lunch, don’t use work or school as an easy way to blow her off. Take a lunch break and go meet up with her. If your boyfriend wants to come over but you’re tempted to tell him you’re busy, gently remind yourself that you’re just reading a novel. You aren’t really “busy. ” Try spending time with friends who are comfortable with emotional intimacy. They can model what real emotional intimacy looks like, and help you feel more safe and comfortable being vulnerable. [7] X Expert Source Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CSTLicensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 13 January 2022. Make it a point to answer phone calls from your family and friends instead of ignoring them.
For example, if your girlfriend hugs you and you feel yourself tense up, think about the feeling behind that instinct. Are you feeling vulnerable? Anxious? Agitated? Sit with the feeling for a moment. Ignoring or repressing your feelings is a habit that you can break. Honest self-expression is the first step.
Explore your memories and past experiences in a private journal Identify connections between past events and current tendencies Tell a trusted friend or loved one about your experiences Talk to a counselor or therapist
If you think, “No one will love the real me,” change that to, “I’m worthy of love. ” If you think, “This is too hard,” change that to, “I’m strong and I can do this. ” If you think, “I’ve never been able to relax in a relationship,” change that to, “This is an opportunity to challenge myself and grow. ” If you think, “This won’t work,” change that to, “I can make this work. ” If you think, “I failed again,” change that to, “I’m going to give this another try. ”
For example, you might say, “I put up emotional walls with you because that’s how I learned to deal with my parents’ neglect as a child. It’s a deeply ingrained habit and I know I need to face that. ” You could say, “I freeze up when you hug me because of childhood abuse. My dad would hug me after he beat me, which was very confusing. Whenever someone hugs me, my mind automatically goes back to those memories. "
Make a daily schedule or plan of action so you can tackle your goals Eat healthy food every day Get 7-9 hours of sleep each night Try to be physically active for 30 minutes every day
Give yourself one small goal to achieve every day. For example, “Today, I’m going to have one meaningful conversation,” or “Today I’m going to answer the phone instead of letting it go to voicemail. ”[15] X Expert Source Donna Novak, Psy. DLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 8 December 2020. Sometimes, it can feel like we aren’t making progress fast enough. Don’t give up on your healing journey! As long as you’re facing your fears head on and making small changes, you’re succeeding.
