Spot what you have been narrating about yourself, your abilities, or your life. Your shame story probably pops up whenever you feel down about yourself. For example, when you fail to connect with others, you might tell yourself “I’m unlikable” or “People find me boring. ” Shame might stem from difficulty in your personal history, such as poverty or domestic abuse.
For instance, maybe you feel humiliated about your divorce. Because you wouldn’t acknowledge the humiliation, shame crept in. Say something like, “I feel humiliated about my divorce. I think everyone sees me as damaged goods. ” Afterwards, sit with that feeling without trying to push it away. Consider journaling about what you feel when you feel shame. Whether it’s a person or other feelings you normally keep buried, it is important to acknowledge them to yourself.
Repeat aloud, “I am only human. I forgive myself for making a human mistake. ”
Tell your shame story to someone close to you. You will likely find that telling your story frees you from the feeling of shame. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your story, consider journaling or blogging about it. You don’t have to publish your story or share it with anyone else, but this process does help you get everything out. Often, secrecy makes shame worse.
Write out a long list of your best traits and accomplishments. You might list things like “great listener” or “fast learner. ” Review this list whenever you feel unworthy.
Sign up for a foreign language course, go back to school, pick up a hobby, or join a club or organization. Small challenges could be speaking to a stranger or reading a book from a new genre.
For example, maybe you’ve been wanting to lose weight, but it feels overwhelming. Set a small goal, like drinking more water or eating more vegetables. Changing just one small thing can help you get closer to where you want to be.
Mindfulness helps you gain awareness about the thoughts and feelings you experience. It also helps keep you in the present moment, which is useful if you’re dwelling on the past.
For example, rather than saying “I can never do anything right,” say “I am doing the best that I can right now. ”
Review your social connections. Start spending more time with the people who make you feel good about yourself and less time with the people who don’t. Hanging out with negative people will not be helping your cause. Although it may be hard to part ways, this is for your overall entertainment. You could also join a support group. This is a safe space where you can share your shame with other people who are not dependent on you for anything. [11] X Expert Source George Sachs, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 5 March 2021.
