Know that you are not alone. Other people can empathize with your situation because they have probably dealt with a similar issue. If you feel comfortable, you can share you feelings with others that have dealt with loss and this can help you have a sense that you are supported and validated in your feelings. Validate your own fears and feelings. Say to yourself, “It is okay to be fearful or sad. These are normal responses to the situation. ”
Think of everything you can control about the situation. For example, you can control your own behaviors – what you chose to do about the situation. You can focus on doing your best to comfort and care for your loved one. You can also focus on soothing yourself and expressing your own emotions with loved ones in order to process your grief. Let go of what you cannot control. Visualization and imagery can help use gain perspective on what we can and cannot control. Imagine placing your fears on leaves that are floating down a river. Watch them as they drift away. Set your limits. If you are caring for a loved one who is ill, this can cause a variety of extra challenges including stretched limits, anxiety, and depressed mood. [5] X Research source Only do what you can do, and set aside time to take care of yourself. You may need to set boundaries with others in order to preserve this time alone. Use mindfulness to pay attention to the present moment. We fear because we are thinking about the future and what might happen instead of focusing on the here-and-now and what you can do with this moment. Take charge of what is happening right now (as you are doing by reading this)!
You can begin to practice acceptance by making a list of all of the difficult emotions and thoughts that coincide with the fear of losing your loved one. Write down your most intimate thoughts and fears and accept each one. You can say to yourself, “I accept my fear and pain. I accept that I might lose this person some day. It will be hard, but I accept that loss is a part of life. " Remind yourself that death is a part of life. Unfortunately, loss is also something that almost everyone deals with in their lifetime.
One way to think positively about the world is to recognize the circle of life and that both life and death are natural. In order for there to be life, there must be death. Try to see the beauty in both life and death. The life cycle is an amazing thing that we can learn to appreciate and be thankful for. When one person dies, another can live. Practice gratitude. Say something to yourself like, “I may lose my loved one, but at least right now I have the time to spend with them. I will focus on this and be grateful for this time that I have. I am so thankful for each moment I get to spend with them. " We can also choose to be grateful that we all, including our loved ones, have the chance to experience life. If your loved one is in pain, you can focus on the idea that after they pass there will be no more suffering. You could focus on the fact that regardless of their (and your) beliefs, they will be resting in peace.
People typically have ways to cope with certain emotions such as fear, loss, grief and depressed mood. Some examples of positive ways of coping with fear of losing a loved one include exercise, writing, art, nature activities, spiritual/religious behaviors (such as prayer) and music. Deal with your feelings appropriately; allow yourself to feel them and let them out if you need to. Higher depression levels (prior to the death of a loved one) may indicate a better adjustment to loss once the loss occurs. Crying can be a healthy and normal release of pent up sadness and fear. Keep a fear journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings about losing your loved one.
Sit or lie down in a comfortable place and position. Breathe deeply and slowly in through your nose and exhale out through your mouth. Concentrate solely on your breathing pattern. Pay attention to your stomach/diaphragm as it moves in and out as you breathe. Try a meditation practice, which can help you quiet your mind and identify the basis for your fear. For instance, you may be able to pinpoint that you’re afraid to lose a person who’s really special to you, or you may discover that you’re actually afraid of your own mortality. [6] X Expert Source Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYTLicensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
Be more independent and plan for a life of independence. Trust that it will get easier and you will be able to cope with it.
Remember that you are a valuable member of society. Focus on what you do that contributes to the world. Do you help others? Are you kind to strangers? Do you donate to a charity or volunteer your time? Acknowledging these attributes can help you realize that you have a purpose, and can continue that purpose despite losing your loved one. You can even dedicate certain activities or projects to your loved one in the future. Try to create meaning in death. An example of creating meaning out of passing away is that death is necessary for life, or that death is simply a gateway to another dimension or reality (such as belief in an afterlife). What does death mean to you? Will your loved one live on in an afterlife? Will you loved one live on in the memories of their loved ones? Or, will their contribution to society live on?
If you aren’t religious or do not believe in a divine creator, you can focus on a higher power such as nature (the moon and ocean are very powerful). A higher power can also be a group of people (since groups can be more powerful than one person). Write a letter to your higher power expressing your fears about losing your loved one. Pray to your higher power about your feelings and thoughts. Ask for the outcome that you desire (for your loved one to make it through, or for your loved one to not suffer, etc).
Talk to your loved one about shared memories, as well as what you appreciate about them. Make sure you emphasize how you feel about your loved one. Tell them you love them. These end-of-life conversations can be very difficult, but you want to make sure you get what you want to convey across so that you don’t have regrets. You can try writing down what you what to convey to your loved one before you tell them.
If you feel the need to talk to a family member or friend, consider asking them. Chances are, you aren’t the only person who needs comforting. [9] X Research source Surround yourself with family members and create unity through talking about shared memories or engaging in activities together.
If you are religious or spiritual, try talking to your service leaders to comfort you and help find some appropriate prayers. If you don’t feel like there’s anyone you can talk to, consider talking to a therapist, especially if your fears are interfering with your ability to function normally. [12] X Expert Source Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYTLicensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
Talk to Your Children About Death. If you have children, make sure to spend some special time talking about the subject of passing on. Most public libraries will have children’s books to help you and your children with the subject in a graceful manner.
Focus on the fact that your relationship and connection with this person can never die.
