You might say something like, “I get the sense you’re preparing to break up with me. Can you please give us some time to try and make things right? Can we give it one more month?” You can also use this extra time to do a little soul-searching and decide whether it’s really a good idea for the relationship to continue.
It may also be nice to get an opinion from a close friend or family member about how to move forward.
This step might go easier if both partners make a list of your major grievances with the relationship. Do so by clearly defining the problem in detail. Then, separately, brainstorm some possible solutions to the issues on your list. [3] X Research source Come back together and share your grievances. Then, offer suggestions for how you and your partner can overcome these obstacles. For example, your partner never calls when they’ll be out late, causing you to worry constantly. You might suggest that they set reminders in their phone that prompt them to check in if they’re out past a certain time.
An “I” statement might sound like this: “Todd, I’m worried about you when you’re out late. It would make me feel so much better if you called to check in. ”[4] X Research source
What is it that you both want and how can you make changes to achieve that? Using the previous example, maybe your partner gets so caught up in spending time with their friends that they don’t think to step away and call you. Sending a quick text message to check-in might help resolve the problem on both sides.
In addition, going to a therapist may also help you see that some problems in your relationship are not solvable or that you and your partner are not compatible. This might be the confirmation you need to go ahead and break up.
In addition, going to a therapist may also help you see that some problems in your relationship are not solvable or that you and your partner are not compatible. This might be the confirmation you need to go ahead and break up.
For example, if you once gave your partner a foot rub after a long day at work, pick that habit back up again. If you notice that you never say “thank you” for the little things they do, start showing your appreciation. [7] X Research source
Set aside time daily to talk to one another about trivial and serious topics. This will make it easier to share vulnerable statements with your partner. When you state your needs, do so simply without rationalizing. Just say, “I need to know that you care about me," or “I want reassurance. " You can also ask for something more specific, such as, “I’d like to hear you say that you love me a few times a week. ” Don’t expect your partner to read your mind or automatically know how to meet your requests. Give recommendations for how they can meet your needs. [8] X Research source
As each person is talking, try to hear the entire message. Before responding with your own thoughts, ask clarifying questions or summarize to be sure you heard right.
Pursue your own interests, hang out with friends or family, and nurture your health and well-being.
For example, you might have chosen to stay in the relationship only because you fear being single. Or you might try to prevent the breakup because you don’t want to be the one getting dumped.
Reach out to friends, family, or resources in your community to help you get the confidence you need to leave an abusive relationship. [13] X Research source
Learn to recognize signs of codependency. Then, see a therapist privately to work on breaking the bonds that keep you in a toxic partnership.
End this cycle by getting real about the problems in your relationship. Don’t rationalize or down-play what’s making you unhappy. Work to improve other areas of your life, so you don’t end up running back to your partner. Rebuild old friendships, find a passion, or commit to a new goal that makes your life more fulfilling without your partner. It may also help to see a counselor individually to address any fears you have of leaving your partner or of being alone.
