Take a few deep breaths, and remember that you are trying to resolve the situation and preserve your relationship with this person, not make things worse.
Stand firm with your feet planted hip distance apart. Roll your shoulders back and lift your chest. Raise your chin and make eye contact briefly (about 5 to 7 seconds). Tell the person, “I see that you are resigned to believe what you think happened, but I know what happened. I did not do this, and I’m sorry you can’t see that. " Refrain from saying anything more, as overly explaining can be misconstrued as lying.
Whatever the person tells you should be used to change your behaviors so that you do not have trust issues in your relationships moving forward.
For example, you can show evidence by producing paperwork, such as time-stamps or receipts. If your girlfriend accuses you of being out with someone else on Tuesday night, it can prove your innocence by showing a time-stamp that you were using a computer in the college library until 3am.
For example, if your mom feels certain that you were not at a friend’s house, but had snuck out to a party, you can back up your story by asking your friend’s parents to testify on your behalf. If two adults–and seemingly trustworthy people–say that you were definitely at their house, your mom is more likely to believe you.
Tell the person to ask you about what happened by starting at the end. If you are lying, you are more likely to screw it up or show inconsistencies by telling the story backwards.
If you have a particularly spotless history with this person, you could add to the promise by offering them examples of ways you have been honest and trustworthy in the past. For example, you might say “I have never lied to you. Remember, that time when everyone else wasn’t being straightforward with you, and I did?” Be careful with this method, though, because some people will think you are manipulating them by making a false promise.
Strive for clear, simple, and concrete sentences with a moderate level of detail. You might tell your girlfriend, “No, I was not with anyone last night. I was at the computer lab on campus. I can show you my time-stamp. " rather than “Oh, what are you talking about? I would never do anything like that to you. I love you so much. Who could I have been with? Why don’t you trust me?” All the extra questions and miscellaneous information sheds doubt on your honesty.
An example of this happening in action could be demonstrated in this way: Your partner asks “Where were you last night?” If you say “Where was I last night?”, pause, and then add “I was in the computer lab doing work,” this seems less than honest because of the need to hesitate before providing your answer.
Once you have made the decision to stop lying, you help convince others of your truthfulness by sharing details about your life upfront. By doing this, you remove the need to be questioned, and therefore, others don’t have to wonder if your answers are lies.
Be more accepting of others and yourself. When you are constantly worried about what others will say or how they will look at you, you may lie just to say what you think they want to hear. Trust the people you love to care about you despite your flaws. Don’t put off important conversations. Schedule time to talk about important matters when both parties are free to speak and think clearly. Live a life according to your values. Live your own truth, and then you don’t have a need to lie. Embrace constructive criticism. We may lie because we don’t want others to judge or criticize us for our faults. When you are able to see criticism as a tool to improve, you won’t have to rely on untruths to get you by.
Experts suggest maintaining eye contact longer for one-on-one conversations, about 7 to 10 seconds. The amount of time making eye contact and looking away should be around 30 to 60 percent –it’s okay to make more eye contact when you are listening and less when you are talking. [10] X Research source
Sometimes, even when you are telling the truth, you may put your guard up because someone is questioning your behavior or motives. However, the other person can wrongly interpret this as being defensive and think you’re lying. Take a deep breath and try to relax with the knowledge that, no matter what, you know that your words are honest. Don’t allow your anxiety about being questioned undermine your ability to convey the truth. Be mindful of your body language. Avoid crossed arms/legs or clinched fists to demonstrate a more friendly demeanor even when you are sort of irritated about being questioned.
