This makes it clear that you aren’t interested in what they’re trying to do. In most situations, you should be able to pry yourself away without using much force, especially if the kiss is only a quick peck on the lips. Lightly grab the other person at the front of the shoulders and straighten your arms, using the momentum to gently back away and ease the other person away from you. If the other individual is more aggressive, a more aggressive response might be required. Start by using more force to actively push the other person away with your hands/arms. Don’t be afraid to use your arms to break the other person’s hold on you, or to kick the other person away if there’s no other way to break contact.
A few steps should be all it takes if the other person has innocent intentions. If desired, you may wish to hold up your hand to further emphasize your desire for space or turn your face away to make it clear that you don’t want another kiss. Of course, if the other person is aggressive, the safest thing you can do is to completely remove yourself from that individual’s presence.
Take a few deep breaths. Inhale and hold for several seconds, then exhale over several seconds. Several repetitions of mindful breathing can help calm your nerves and clear your head. Before verbalizing your response, try to evaluate the other person’s motives by taking a mental step back and looking at the situation objectively. Asking why something happened from an objective perspective may make it easier to gauge an appropriate response. [2] X Research source If you were on a date that was going well, it’s possible that your date misread you and believed the desire to kiss was mutual. If a friend kissed you without warning, it’s possible that your friend has been harboring unreturned feelings of romance for you and momentarily stepped out of line. If someone you’ve rejected, don’t know, or don’t get along with steals a kiss, that person may have done so to intentionally upset or harass you.
If you’re dealing with someone who harbors unreturned feelings toward you, clearly state that you don’t share those feelings and don’t want this incident to happen again: “I’m flattered, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you and don’t want to kiss you. ” If you’re not ready to kiss someone you’ve started dating, but might be open to the idea later, clarify your position accordingly: “I really like you, but I don’t feel ready to kiss you at this stage of our relationship. I’ll make sure you know when I’m ready, though. ”
If you suspect the other person kissed you out of spite or for other ignoble reasons, it might be best to skip the explanation and part ways. On the other hand, if you’re rejecting a friend’s feelings for you or explaining why you don’t feel comfortable kissing your date, an explanation, about why you feel the way you do, might help to limit hurt feelings and prevent the situation from reoccurring. [5] X Research source
Avoid hanging out with this person for a while, especially if other people won’t be around. When you do start hanging around each other again, avoid flirtatious behavior and make sure that both sides are aware of one another’s boundaries. Don’t be too surprised if the other person no longer wants to spend time with you. Even if that individual respects your feelings, the pain of rejection can make it hard to continue an ongoing relationship/friendship, and letting go might be the best thing for both of you. [6] X Research source
A forced, unwanted kiss might even be considered a form of sexual harassment or sexual assault, depending on the laws of your municipality. This is especially true of the behavior continues after you make your wishes known. Don’t be afraid to report the incident to the local police if you feel unsafe.
Don’t be afraid of “ruining the moment” by pulling away from a kiss. If you maintain physical closeness while preventing your partner from kissing you again, the action may actually increase feelings of desire in both of you. [7] X Research source On the other hand, breaking physical contact completely would give you a better chance to evaluate your thoughts and feelings, which can be important if you aren’t yet certain about your feelings regarding the stolen kiss. This is ultimately more important than the risk of ruining this one particular moment.
If you already have a fairly intimate relationship, it may not take much time to process your thoughts. Your gut may instinctively know that you do or don’t like the kiss. If your relationship is still somewhat new, you may need more time to think things through. Let your partner know that in a calm yet straightforward manner: “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. Can you give me some time to figure out how that makes me feel? My mind is spinning right now. ”
If you liked the kiss and figured that out quickly, brief confirmation is probably all you’ll need to give: “That was amazing!” If you took a little longer to work out or feelings or if you don’t feel comfortable with stolen/surprise kisses, sit down with your partner after the moment has passed and clearly explain both how you feel and why you feel that way to avoid future misunderstandings.
This kiss might be equal in kind—a peck on the lips for a peck on lips—or it may be even more passionate. Respond according to your own feelings and those of your partner.
For instance, you may enjoy the occasional stolen kiss if it’s only a quick peck on the lips in private, but that doesn’t mean you have to feel equally comfortable with something more intense (e. g. , a French kiss) when you don’t have warning, nor does it mean you need to be okay with the surprise kiss when you’re in front of your family or out in public.
Practice saying “no” in everyday circumstances that have nothing to do with romance. Turn down plans to hang out with your friends if you aren’t in the mood to go out. Tell someone “no” if you’re asked to take on a project or favor you don’t have the time or energy to complete. Building up familiarity with the “no” word can make it easier to use in the heat of the moment. [8] X Research source
Clarify what “consent” means when you go out on a date with someone new or pursue a relationship with someone you’re interested in. In addition to “no” meaning “no,” it’s also important to recognize that only a “yes” means “yes. “[9] X Research source Verbal confirmation of consent is important, especially early in a relationship, but you should also discuss nonverbal signs of consent with your partner.
Don’t flirt with someone who you have no romantic interest in, especially if you suspect or know that individual has feelings for you. If someone makes you uncomfortable or if you don’t know someone well enough to establish trust, avoiding being alone with that individual.
The other person will probably be smiling a bit awkwardly and looking between your eyes and your lips when they’re interested in kissing you. Shake or turn your head away when your partner leans in for an unwanted kiss. This signal should be clear, and may make your partner feel less hurt than physically pushing him or her away. [10] X Research source Explain or restate your feelings about kissing this individual. Let your partner know what you’re comfortable with doing, and if the situation would benefit from an explanation, be honest about your feelings and reasons for those feelings.
