Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook are great options to look someone up, especially if you have mutual friends. LinkedIn can be a useful tool as well. Some folks may not participate on social media too much, but may still have a professional profile on LinkedIn you can use to find them. If you do find them on social media, take a look through their profile before you reach out. For instance, if they’ve lost someone during the pandemic, it may affect the way you contact them. [2] X Research source
For instance, if your friend was interviewed about their business in Scottsdale, Arizona, you can use that info to figure out where they are. Don’t get discouraged if you can’t find them in a search. Some people don’t have a major online presence. Try using multiple search engines to look them up. You may get different results on Google, Bing, or Yahoo.
For instance, if you know their parents’ home phone number, try giving it a ring. Who knows, they may still have the same number and you may be able to track down your friend that way.
If they aren’t listed on the site, or your alumni association doesn’t maintain a website, try giving them a call to see if they can point you in the right direction.
Sites like intelius. com and peoplefinders. com charge a fee for you to use their services, but may be a useful tool for your search. Some sites, like pipl. com, wink. com, and zabasearch. com are free but may have limited search results. If you served in the military with your friend, military. com offers a free “Buddy Finder” service that includes service records that can help you find them.
For instance, you could write something like, “Hi Chris! Long time no see. I was just thinking about you the other day and wanted to reach out. Let me know if you want to chat and catch up sometime. ” If you had a falling out with your friend, an email can be a useful, private way to send a message that gives them the option to respond or not. Be patient as you wait for a response and try not to send multiple messages in a row. Sometimes, all you may have is an email address to go on, so give it a shot!
A social media message can be really short to start off a conversation. Try something like, “Hey Sarah, how’s it going? I miss you!” Experts agree that if you want to apologize or own up to something you did that may have hurt your friend, a short email or message on social media is a good place to start. Use a private message rather than a public one so you don’t put extra pressure on them to respond.
Phone calls don’t have to be super awkward. Try a simple greeting like, “Hi Jack! How are you?” You might be surprised how easy it is to talk to an old friend. Hearing someone’s voice can be really calming and personal. Listen to your friend’s tone and inflection for clues about how they’re feeling. If your friend doesn’t answer, no worries. They may not have your number. Leave a voicemail and be sure to include your number so they can give you a call back.
Since you haven’t seen your friend in a while, you can start off the conversation with something about their appearance. For example, you could say, “Hi there, Monique! Wow, you look like you haven’t aged a day!” You could also ask something like “How has your year been?"[11] X Expert Source Lena Dicken, Psy. DClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020. To give the conversation a more personal touch, try asking “How are you doing emotionally?"[12] X Expert Source Lena Dicken, Psy. DClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020. Try not to video call your friend without a heads up. They may have kids or work they need to organize around to catch up with you on a video call. Use a free app like Messenger, Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime for an easy way to make a video call.
Keep your message short but sweet. For instance, try saying something like, “Dear Priya, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. If you ever want to talk, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I miss you and I love you. ” Include your contact info if your friend doesn’t have it. If you hear that an old friend lost somebody during the pandemic, a sympathy card can be a good way to express your feelings without overwhelming them.
For instance, you could ask them things like “What are you doing for work these days?” or “Are you still into basketball?” Asking questions is a simple way to encourage a conversation. Remember, it’s been a while since you’ve seen or talked to your friend, so you have plenty of stuff to talk about! You could ask your friend for their thoughts about current events. [15] X Expert Source Lena Dicken, Psy. DClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
You may find that you and your friend quickly rekindle the bond that you shared. If your friendship ended on bad terms, you may want to wait until your friend opens up a little more before you start cracking jokes about the past.
Pay attention to the cues your friend gives as well. For instance, if they got a divorce, don’t press them on the issue and try to ask about something else if they seem uncomfortable. People love to talk about themselves, so asking questions about their friends and family can help prevent awkward silences.
For instance, if you thought about them recently and missed them, let them know! Tell them that you miss talking to them and you hope you can stay in touch. If you’re trying to make amends for something, be honest about it. Tell your friend that you’re sorry about the way things ended and you hope you can make up for it.
Discussing the conflict is the only way for you and your friend to get past it so you can work on rebuilding your friendship.
If you’re able to meet up, try going to a restaurant, bar, or cafe so you can relax and enjoy each other’s company. If you can’t get together, try setting up a regular phone call or video chat so you can stay in touch.
