As you breathe, imagine that each new breath brings a sense of calm, while each exhalation carries away the anger and tension.
Take a seat in a comfortable chair. Starting at your ankles, contract the muscles for a few seconds, noticing how the tension feels. Then, relax the muscles in your ankles and notice how that feels. Move up to the next group of muscles until you’ve covered your entire body.
For example, you might imagine lying out on a sunny beach. Use all your senses to envision the environment: the ocean waves crash in your ears and tropical birds chirp in the background, the sun is warm on your skin and the wind is slightly cool. Stay with this image until you start to feel calmer.
You might also see if there are “anger rooms” in your area. Such rooms offer safe spaces for you to let out anger by throwing or breaking something. If you feel like your anger puts you in danger of causing physical harm to yourself or others, call 911. [7] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.
You might use your timeout to count silently to 100, breathe deeply, walk around the block, or watch a funny video on YouTube.
If you tend to use a lot of absolute language, you could be making yourself even more angry than you already are.
“I” statements are a great way to communicate your feelings and needs without making others defensive. You can start a conversation with someone who made you angry by saying something like, “I found myself getting pretty upset about what happened yesterday, and I wanted to just explain why to see if we can agree on something different moving forward in this type of situation. ”[12] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.
After you’ve re-read the offensive letter, tear it up and trash it. Then, write a new one using calm, solution-focused phrases to resolve the issue with the other person.
For instance, if traffic and waiting in line make you angry, you might want to work on becoming more patient. Anger is a normal emotion, and it’s often a sign that someone has crossed one of your boundaries. [15] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.
If you’re working on a frustrating task nonstop without rest, your temper may quickly flare. Regular breaks can help relieve anger before it happens.
Let’s say your spouse asks you to “get the kids out of the house” when you’ve already got an overflowing workload plus household chores. Instead of bubbling with anger beneath the surface, you might say, “Sweetie, I’m already bogged down with stuff here. Can you do it? Or call a babysitter?” If something upsets you and makes you feel a little angry, it’s a good idea to address it before it becomes a bigger issue. Pushing anger down can make it build up and result in an outburst. [18] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.
For instance, drinking coffee releases adrenaline and norepinephrine in your brain which activates your fight-or-flight response and can lead directly to anger. Other types of stimulants include nicotine and amphetamines.
Consistent practice should help you become more aware of your emotions and teach you how to cope with anger effectively.
Notice the sensation of anger in your body. How does it feel? Where is it concentrated? Now, bring compassion to the feeling. Remember, anger is completely normal and human. When you think about it this way, what happens? Now, say goodbye to the feeling of anger. Slowly, refocus on your breath. Then, reflect on the experience. What did you learn about the experience of anger?
